Letter from a Former Prositute

"You shall not afflict any widow or fatherless child. If you afflict them in any way, and they cry at all to Me, I will surely hear their cry"
Exodus 22:22-23

From Donny Pauling:

I became involved in the sex industry 7 years ago, working as a prostitute in a brothel known as the “Wildkat Ranch” in Mina Nevada. Nothing could have prepared me for the devastation it would reap upon me in the 1 1/2 years of working there… I met a girl picked up from a mental facility after her release, I worked with girls cleared to work because they hadn’t disclosed that they had been exposed to someone with genital herpes, I worked with women who had done nothing with their lives but bounce from brothel to brothel for 10 years… But this pales in comparison to the changes I saw in myself.

I lived in [removed] and would fly out to the brothel every month and a half to work for 3-4 weeks straight. During this time my schedule was from 12 noon-4am EVERYDAY (when clients were no longer supposed to be accepted, but let me tell you if they were the only one of the day, they would wake us up for the line up) Sometimes we would come out of the shower at 10 in the morning to find a man waiting for us to line up, and we had to pretend we wanted to be having sex again… These men that would come through, some were 400+ pound truck drivers, with penises that had smegma rimming them, we’d have to wash the penis during the “Dick Check” you know the part where we make sure they don’t have a current outbreak of something.. their bodies would smell from being on the road.. On one occasion I had my clitoris bit, I received a rectal tear, and my episiotomy from my last child was retorn.. Often the men would want to watch porn with us, or they would bring in porn magazines.. one man brought in pornography that could be classified as rape.. during this incident he slapped me and told me that I needed to act like I didn’t want it.. Another man tried to violently fist me.

They tell you at the Brothel that they are there to protect you, but on more than one occasion I screamed, and no one came- even though they have a speaker to the room where they make sure we aren’t asking for more money and not giving them half.. Out of it all, having to watch porn with the men was the worst though, because they would want to know what I liked, they would rub at my body or have me rub them off while they told me how they wished I was as pretty as her, or how they wished I was skinnier. They would make fun of my stretch marks and tell me that I should give them a refund.. The would tell me after I was done that they were going to try my friend and maybe she would be more like the girl in the video..

I would come home from this, and try to pretend that I was a better person because I didn’t need a loan for school now, or that I had a car I could use to drive my kids around.. But I am less of a person. I would have to continue the lies with my family, telling them the story that the brothel had me tell, that I was training for a new career in Real Estate and I was working for Jerry Dickerson the man that owned the brothel at the time.. They offered to write me a letter of reference if I ever needed one, and my tax statement looked normal to those who weren’t familiar with the location or industry.. but there were physical costs too. My vagina needs repair from the way it was stretched, it is nearly impossible for me to have a vaginal orgasm now, my anal tear took months to heal, but the worst is my brain. I gained weight from severe depression, had to be put on medication, and I saw any beauty that I had as a young women disappear before my eyes.

God is the only one that could fix that.. but it took A LONG TIME before I ever felt that God could want me back.

 Remember, it's legal in Nevada; read the whole thing here.

My Fiance Found my Old Porn Pictures

"While they promise them liberty, they themselves are slaves of corruption; for by whom a person is overcome, by him also he is brought into bondage."
2 Peter 2:19

Tragic story from Donny Pauling:

Our society seems to think pornography is harmless. Surprisingly enough, I've heard numerous Christians say the same thing. But having produced porn for nine years and having recruited more than 500 people into the business, and having watched what it did in the lives of so many, I can tell you otherwise.

Pornography ruins lives, period. It doesn't even need to be hardcore in nature. Softcore porn is just as destructive.

When I talk about "softcore" porn, I simply mean porn in which the model is posing alone. She isn’t touching anyone else. For those who think porn doesn’t hurt anyone, it couldn’t get less harmful than softcore porn, right?

....

I’ve received many emails and phone calls from models over the years, asking that their content be removed from the Internet. The problem is that porn companies will not remove it. If they removed the content of every model who regretted her decision, very little would be left to sell.

The young lady who sent this email modeled for me for a very short time in 2005. But because of the release she signed, and the photographer’s agreements I signed when I was doing business with the companies who purchased her content, I can’t do anything to get her photos off the Internet. They will be online, or on other people’s computers, somewhere, until long after her grandchildren have grandchildren.

The personal costs were very large in numerous ways, one of which is the fact that her fiancé decided not to marry her. The realization that his buddies, neighbors and any random person could find his wife showing so much of herself online was more than he was willing to bear.

Read the whole thing here.

Donny Pauling: Reformed Ex-Porn producer spills his guts

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."
1 Peter 5:6-7

Donny Pauling is a former porn producer who gave his life to Christ in 2006; this is a talk he gave in Australia in 2012:


Ex porn producer Donny Pauling speaks in Melbourne, Australia. from Guilty Pleasure on Vimeo.


Highlights:

• Son of a Pastor in a legalistic Church where "God seemed to me like a set of rules and regulations."
• Thought: "if this is Christianity, I don't want to have anything to do with it."

• Started with looking at Porn on the Internet.
• Decided to make money producing it.

• Deceived his wife for three years while producing porn.

• "I often confused God with the people who claimed to represent him."

• Grossed over $50k "the first month I didn't have to hide what we were doing."

• "Sometimes it seems like wives are a lost casualty in this war."

• Ex-wife's letter: "Adultery in its most painful form."
• How come this should be her burden?!?
• "So selfish he could sacrifice his wife and children for photographs and fantasy."
• "The reality is that it is an affair and we shouldn't have to put up with the abuse."
• Read in the Old Testament what happened when Israel was unfaithful to God.

• Not one of the 500 girls he recruited into porn has ever thanked him.

• Girls would call him with their images posted publicly.
• One girl had them posted over her father's car.
• Another had them posted all over her college campus, which led the guys to start groping her and leering at her as she went about day to day life.

• Girls would be unable to get hired because of "a few days work" they'd done for him.

• "We'd get them addicted to that money...then you'd literally watch the light go out of their eyes."

• "What's attractive about a girl curled in a ball in the corner sucking her thumb because her mind's so blown about what she just did to herself that she doesn't know how to handle it?!?"

• "What is attractive about the fact that some of these girls would rather be screaming in agony than moaning with pleasure but they know, that like any movie, you have to do take after take before you get it right and if you don't get it right you have to come back tomorrow before you get paid.

• Playboy runs some of the hardest core sites on the internet.

• "Christians click through at a higher rate than any group."

• 90% of Christian men, 70% of Christian women, and 50% of Pastors have looked at porn in the last 30 days.

• "My fiance found my pictures on the internet."

• "Long after she's a grandmother, those pictures are still going to be around on the internet."

• "After working for you, I wanted to commit suicide."

• What changed me?!?  XXX Church at the Porn Convention
• Two youth pastors who were sick of what was happening to their ministry.
• "Over the years, I saw that group do crazy things."
• They bring 5000 Bibles to a convention and "always run out."
• "They were Jesus in skin."
• "Over the course of four years, they tore down my hatred and bitterness."
• "They were including me instead of excluding me."
• "Once that hatred was gone, I could no longer justify what I was doing for a living.
• "The Christians I'd always hated were now supporting my family and paying for my education."
• It wasn't easy, "but it was peaceful."

• Sold out being a father "for half a million dollars per year.